2002-04-28 - 10:15 a.m.
Back at work again…
Well, yesterday turned out to be a very good day. As soon as I came home, my mother wanted to speak with me – she wanted to apologize for the way that she has treated me these past few days. I accepted her apology… I was a little bit stunned. I think this was the first time in 23 years that she has apologized to me for anything. It was nice and it made me have some renewed hope that perhaps her psychological and medical condition will improve. They are testing her now for Cushing’s disease… she already has Lupus, this would just be one more chronic condition that she has to deal with. I feel bad for her – there are no easy answers to her pain or her condition…
There is always hope in life, though, and this is what keeps all of us going. There is a song that I really, really like by a group called Dead Can Dance. The song is called Spirit, and the lyrics go something like this:
“I thought I’d found a reason to live – just like before, when I was a child… only to find that dreams made of sand would just fall apart, and slip through my hands… but the spirit of life, it keeps us strong – and the spirit of life, is the will to carry on… and as long as the veins in my arms still stand up, the spirit of life will keep living on…”
I always listen to that song when I am feeling bittersweet. There were many, many years in my life where I had to deal with an emotional numbness – a type of black hole or void where I couldn’t really laugh or cry, where I couldn’t feel much of anything at all. During this time I would listen to music to help me reclaim some of my lost feeling, and Dead Can Dance is a band that helped me remember what sadness, loss, and hope felt like. Music can be powerful stuff.
Speaking of music… Ivy has finally moved all hundred or so of our CDs onto the hard disk – we got a 40GB one just to hold our WMA and MP3 files. The computer for music is in the bedroom, and we’ve made quite a few mixes for various moods and themes. We have a music mix for cleaning, for chilling, a couple for sex… etc. It’s fun, and I really hope the new anti-piracy laws prevent citizens like myself from doing what they wish with the media and intellectual property they purchase.
I have been going to sleep so early lately. Logicman keeps wanting to hop in Everquest and group with me when he gets home at night, or at least come by for a visit to hop in the Jacuzzi and drink some Sparks Malt Liquor… ahhh, I love Sparks Malt Liquor. You can learn all about it on drinksparks.com – check it out. Sparks started out as a joke, and now I find myself drinking it all the time. Logicman and I stopped off at his favorite gas station one day and we discovered this strange orange and silver can that said it contained “6.0% Alcohol By Volume, Caffeine, and Taurine!” – well, we thought, any beverage mixing alcohol and caffeine with Taurine has to be the drink of choice for us.
It packs quite a punch, Sparks does… the caffeine keeps you awake while the “6.0% ABV” gets you drunk. It comes in a big nasty can like Steel Reserve comes in, and it this swill is made by the same people that make that swill. Good to drink for a cheap buzz, but it is no Swiss Absinthe, that’s for damn sure. (Hell, it’s not even close to a good Spanish Deva… hehehe.)
Ivy is at home… she completely re-did the room yesterday and I think it looks great. One wall looks a little bare now, and we’ll probably toss some extra furniture… or a picture… or something there… just for good measure. We both have rather exacting tastes, and things have to look a certain way or we’re just not happy with the result. I am so happy I found a woman that shares my good taste in interior design… heh!
Things are calm right now. Ivy and I are just working, living, and loving as normal. Our marriage is happy and healthy and strong, and I have no doubt that between the two of us, we will always be able to keep it that way. Things are better now than they ever have been.
Hopefully our lives continue to be this peaceful and “boring” – I’m loving every minute of it.
